Seems we went forward an hour then

Attempting to change my clock was just useless, as I had totally forgotten that us Brits had gone forward an hour in the world. So instead of 1.41am it's 2.41am.

To be honest, I'm quite scared about this whole clinical depression things. It's been a rough week (stupid cold to deal with, along with crazy dreams about countries fighting over land - remind you of anything?) and tonight just put the icing on the cake. I'm scared of what my parents would think. Especially as a old school friend of mine killed himself by jumping from his uni window. I don't want my parents to think I'm gonna go crazy and do crazy things.

You don't really notice that you're depressed yourself - you begin to think that it's just an off day. I had begun to think like this, but until I started going to therapy, my therapist noticed that I had begun to place myself below everybody else i.e my family, my friends. And everything that kept on piling up, I was always on the bottom. She told me to be more selfish; start placing me first. I did try, but guilt got the better of me and I gradually sunk back down again.

Next on the list of telling people that I may be suffering from clinical depression are my housemates. To be honest, it'll be very hard to go about it. First of all, they don't seem like the people who will take the news very well. Secondly, they'll probably end up casting me aside and probably can't wait to get rid of me. Besides, I'm not really enjoying their company in more recent months. Ever since my housemates decided not to come back to live with us, they're kinda down about it still. The hard thing will be for them to accept it, and this is who I am for now. I still stand by my beliefs that they don't like me anymore, but maybe I should tell them. We'll see.

Ashley has been helping me find some pamphlets for my parents to understand, as my Chinese is average for a BBC (British Born Chinese). Hopefully they'll understand, and they'll support me. I am tempted to email my sister now and tell her. Or I might wait til next week when I go to the doctors.

Life changes so quickly when a piece of news, which will affect your life, comes into play. Do I wish I had a time machine and changed all those times I was a pain in the ass? Not really. I just need some courage to deal with this depression. And when I'm ready, I'll kick its ass.

Thanks for stopping by.