Everyday, questions
I've been thinking way too much. Bitch fuck ass damn thinking kicking my butt into hyperdrive that leads to thinking even more about why I'm in hyperdrive. I'm probably driving on the wrong side of the road in my mind.
Since I've been home working for my parents, people always ask me what I study and/or what I wanna be when I'm older. When I tell them, they have this look on their faces that says, "There's a subject like that?" or "Good luck trying to find a job." Reading faces is something I happened to pick up when everybody fucked me off. It's all in the eyes. These questions and their facial expressions really bug me. I kinda feel like a failure in one sense (not being a doctor or something else), but in other ways I feel like I have drive at the moment - I know I want to write scripts so I'm planning them and going to write them when I finish university. I wanna be one of those writers who can have a few beers with his friends and just write down endless bits of dialogue.
My dad seems to find that shooting down people's ideas, like me moving to London etc, is funny. Ironically he doesn't like it when it comes back to bite him in the ass. I'm fed up of his fucking attitude. Shooting down my ideas is a past time of his that he just happens to keep up. Guess he's always seen me as a failure, which is probably why he keeps it up. I'm out there to prove him wrong, and I can't wait. I feel like I need to move on in my life now.
But this raises the question - am I growing up too quickly for my own good, as I had not grown up by the time I was actually 18? I mean, growing up make things seem a lot clearer - you're more vocal, you speak your mind, you're thinking of marriage and kids with the boyfriend/girlfriend, you can poo in a public toilet without fear of anyway looking over the cubicle (this has not happened to me). As I'm finally getting the hang of growing up, I'm suddenly thinking of the next step in my life. My brain is just moving too fast for me to cope right now.
"Let go of your mind and be set free. The world awaits you with open arms."
Since I've been home working for my parents, people always ask me what I study and/or what I wanna be when I'm older. When I tell them, they have this look on their faces that says, "There's a subject like that?" or "Good luck trying to find a job." Reading faces is something I happened to pick up when everybody fucked me off. It's all in the eyes. These questions and their facial expressions really bug me. I kinda feel like a failure in one sense (not being a doctor or something else), but in other ways I feel like I have drive at the moment - I know I want to write scripts so I'm planning them and going to write them when I finish university. I wanna be one of those writers who can have a few beers with his friends and just write down endless bits of dialogue.
My dad seems to find that shooting down people's ideas, like me moving to London etc, is funny. Ironically he doesn't like it when it comes back to bite him in the ass. I'm fed up of his fucking attitude. Shooting down my ideas is a past time of his that he just happens to keep up. Guess he's always seen me as a failure, which is probably why he keeps it up. I'm out there to prove him wrong, and I can't wait. I feel like I need to move on in my life now.
But this raises the question - am I growing up too quickly for my own good, as I had not grown up by the time I was actually 18? I mean, growing up make things seem a lot clearer - you're more vocal, you speak your mind, you're thinking of marriage and kids with the boyfriend/girlfriend, you can poo in a public toilet without fear of anyway looking over the cubicle (this has not happened to me). As I'm finally getting the hang of growing up, I'm suddenly thinking of the next step in my life. My brain is just moving too fast for me to cope right now.
"Let go of your mind and be set free. The world awaits you with open arms."
posted by Tez @ Thursday, April 13, 2006
2 Comments:
At 1:43 am,
Anonymous said…
You're smart, witty, creative, talented and one sexy English bitch. You've got your whole life ahead of you and a world of opportunities. Don't miss them because you're too busy looking down on yourself.
XO
At 2:23 pm,
Anonymous said…
"growing up make things seem a lot clearer"
Indeed.
You can only have a sight of your future, no matter what. People always is going to talk about you, for your sake or not,anyways. That's how the world turns around.
Try to be calm when your parents overlook or make jokes about what you want to do. Unfortunely for them, it's your life, they'll realize it sooner or later.
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