Letting go of fears and insecurities
After everything last night, today was just a tiring day. Sleeping at 4.30am was hardly a good idea, as I had to get up for the doctors. For your infomation, I'm fine - no clinical depression, so now it's a continuation of therapy and heavy doses of happiness. The lack of sleep didn't really help when Joe came back all drunk and drugged up, yelling "FUCK!" at the top of his voice. Pretty much sums up the whole night really, depending really on how you say it.
Today, I've been to the doctors, did some more of my dissertation and looking for flights for my trip back over to see Ashley. I can't wait to be honest, but there's sometihng that scares me about the whole thing still and I feel I shouldn't really have it. The fear is this - we both don't have a lot of money so it's difficult to fly back and forth to see each other. As I'm looking for flights as I write at the moment, I don't wanna feel the pain I felt when I had to leave Ashley last summer. It hurts me to look back at the Summer and think of me leaving. But on the positive side, I had so much fun and I had a great time out there. It's stupid of me to think like I at the moment, but hey it was only momentarily. Perhaps we're both in the position to maybe find a place together, and I hope it's soon.
I'm happy where I am at the moment.
Today, I've been to the doctors, did some more of my dissertation and looking for flights for my trip back over to see Ashley. I can't wait to be honest, but there's sometihng that scares me about the whole thing still and I feel I shouldn't really have it. The fear is this - we both don't have a lot of money so it's difficult to fly back and forth to see each other. As I'm looking for flights as I write at the moment, I don't wanna feel the pain I felt when I had to leave Ashley last summer. It hurts me to look back at the Summer and think of me leaving. But on the positive side, I had so much fun and I had a great time out there. It's stupid of me to think like I at the moment, but hey it was only momentarily. Perhaps we're both in the position to maybe find a place together, and I hope it's soon.
I'm happy where I am at the moment.
posted by Tez @ Thursday, April 06, 2006
1 Comments:
At 10:09 pm,
Anonymous said…
Puppy I worry that too. Sometimes I think we're grown up enough emotionally and mentally to wrap our heads around this relationship. But then I look at my bank account and I really don't feel like a grown up anymore. We're not financially stable, that's for sure. But it won't be that way forever. You'll find a full time job and I'll find a full time job and we'll be able to do the things we've always wanted to. It does suck that at the moment we aren't able to be together whenever we want and practically have to beg for someone to shove us in their suitcases to cross the Atlantic. I mean really the whol concept of a long distance relationship sucks. It's pretty high on the suckosity meter for sure. But you're the one who make it worth it. Plus we didn't think we'd be able to get through the first year only seeing each other about twice a year right? Well guess what! We did it! And now that you're graduating school and have a world of possibilities laying at your feet who knows what will happen? We'll make it work if we want it to work. And we do. So let's do it to it.
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