Rosedale Road Redux
Over the last week or so, I've had quite a lot of fun - doing work and then going out for a few drinks with two of my housemates, Joe and Chris. Last Saturday saw the three of us celebrating Joe's birthday, he's now 22 and we had a good night. After we had left the club, we decided to walk home as we had no money between us to get anywhere. We bearly got up the road before Chris said some things to me:
Chris: "You could have pulled in there tonight. Mate, your girlfriend is in another country probably doing the same thing."
Me (pissed off): "No she's not doing that."
Chris: "And how do you know?"
Me: "I just know she's not."
Chris: "Why? Is she ugly?"
Joe (butting in): "Calm down you two."
Me: "No, she's not ugly fucker."
Chris (quietly): "I think she is."
Me: "Excuse me?"
Chris: "Nah she's not ugly."
He seriously pissed me off so I stormed off by myself. So fucking dare he say that? I wanted to say back to him, "Your girlfriend is an annoying bitch or talks way too much. Plus you're only fucking her because you're lonely fuck." When I got home, I was pretty much ready for bed, so I spoke to Ashley for a little while. We ended up having a serious talk about everything that made me feel bad for the both of us.
In the morning, I was still running things in my mind about the night before and I had honestly felt that me and Ashley could have broken up the night before, because I was being such a muppet. We resolved our differences, because Ashley pointed out so crucial out to me: my depression was splitting my mind into negative manner, with not much positiveness left. Turns out my brain was picking at all the bad parts of her and turning me against her, when infact I had no need too. "You need to tell your brain that I am not the enemy."
Words over the past week have deeply affected me. Why? Because my mind is suddenly deciding to reject all positiveness about work or my life in general. It's hard trying to get back the positive I had before. Just all my hard work undone. Sunday also saw me get booted down again - after emailing my tutor some work, he told me it was a mess and to gain some structure into it. Now with the help of Ashley, who created a stunning outline for me to follow (thank you), I've been working on a new introduction, placing the key terms I would be using into it etc.
It's been a tough week and it's going to get tougher as we approach essay deadlines and what not.
Chris: "You could have pulled in there tonight. Mate, your girlfriend is in another country probably doing the same thing."
Me (pissed off): "No she's not doing that."
Chris: "And how do you know?"
Me: "I just know she's not."
Chris: "Why? Is she ugly?"
Joe (butting in): "Calm down you two."
Me: "No, she's not ugly fucker."
Chris (quietly): "I think she is."
Me: "Excuse me?"
Chris: "Nah she's not ugly."
He seriously pissed me off so I stormed off by myself. So fucking dare he say that? I wanted to say back to him, "Your girlfriend is an annoying bitch or talks way too much. Plus you're only fucking her because you're lonely fuck." When I got home, I was pretty much ready for bed, so I spoke to Ashley for a little while. We ended up having a serious talk about everything that made me feel bad for the both of us.
In the morning, I was still running things in my mind about the night before and I had honestly felt that me and Ashley could have broken up the night before, because I was being such a muppet. We resolved our differences, because Ashley pointed out so crucial out to me: my depression was splitting my mind into negative manner, with not much positiveness left. Turns out my brain was picking at all the bad parts of her and turning me against her, when infact I had no need too. "You need to tell your brain that I am not the enemy."
Words over the past week have deeply affected me. Why? Because my mind is suddenly deciding to reject all positiveness about work or my life in general. It's hard trying to get back the positive I had before. Just all my hard work undone. Sunday also saw me get booted down again - after emailing my tutor some work, he told me it was a mess and to gain some structure into it. Now with the help of Ashley, who created a stunning outline for me to follow (thank you), I've been working on a new introduction, placing the key terms I would be using into it etc.
It's been a tough week and it's going to get tougher as we approach essay deadlines and what not.
posted by Tez @ Monday, April 24, 2006
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