Stories from the past numero uno

So this is my family back in the day. Yes that is me in the stripey jumper sitting on his mother's lap. But looking at this photo just reminds me of what my family was like, and, of course, what I was like as a kid. For instance, I used to be such a chubby kid and look at me now. People who look at this picture do often ask me how I'm so skinny now. My answer - "Mother's cooking and high metabolism help me stay super slim." There are so many stories I want to share, but, for now, I'll give you one or two stories.

Now, I can't remember how old I was but I do remember it happening. My parents own a fish and chip shop (for you Americans, just Google it) and my family used to live in the back of the shop and above it. My parent's friends were all around us until they started moving away in more recent years. There was a family called the Tangs who lived about a minute drive away from us (about 4 minutes now, because of speed bumps, zebra crossings and the ocassional crazy ass driver who doesn't give a damn about him/herself) and they were hosting a birthday party for their daughter, Dora. My brother, sister and I were all dragged along to this party, expecting cake, Coca Cola and lots of cheek pulling. However, once I arrived I just wasn't used to the sheer amount of people there, who began to surround me and call me cute, and I began to cry. Upon seeing this, Mr Tang decided to take me home. Sitting in the back seat (actually the arm rest), quite content I was going home after my brief cry, I just happened to relieve myself in the back seat. I don't think Mr Tang had any idea until he got home, or smelled the stench rising from my own urine. To this day, I don't think my parents and the Tangs have ever kept in contact. Perhaps my own piss drove them apart.

Another story, and I'll try to keep it short. There was a time when I used to have fits of anger and just take it out on household objects. My sister once asked me to fetch her a pair of scissors from her room. Running upstairs to my parents bedroom I fetched the scissors and promptly brought them back to my sister. After she was done with them, she asked me to return them and I happened to get pissed off with the fact she couldn't return them herself. So when I went back upstairs to return the scissors, I was so annoyed that I cut a wire that runs throughout the house without knowing what it was. Later on during the day, a customer comes into our shop and says to my dad, "I tried phoning your shop to place an order but I couldn't get through." Upon hearing this, my dad was quite surprised and went to investigate the phone problem. He first checked the shop phone...No tone. Then secondly he went upstairs and found that the telephone wire had been cut. Needless to say, my dad found me and told me never to do it again...I wonder how he knew it was me?

I do miss my family when I'm up here in Sheffield. It's quite a shame that we're drifting apart now. Nevertheless, we're still a family and I'm happy to have them, despite all the bickering and the arguing that goes on.