The whirlwind of life.

ROB
That's your problem, man. You can't see
what you've got, only what you've lost.
Those guys are right. You are "money".

This quote is from one of my favorite films and it pretty much applies to me. I can only think of my rough childhood and how bad I really want it back so I can change things that I may or may not of done. People are right about me - I'm a decent guy. But there are times when I'm so miserable and down that I just hate myself and there's not much I can do about it for now.

Luckily I'm back in therapy tomorrow so I have to attempt to undo all my bad shit and get back to how I was before Easter. I felt great back then. Ok I'm a little happy now because I got some work done and I know how to scare myself into doing it. I s'pose I'm also happy because I feel like I've bonded with my housemates since I've got back from Easter, not that I haven't before. I remember I used to have so much contempt for my housemates because they didn't understand me. But now I understand where they are coming from and so I'm making time for them, even though I don't have much of it left.

It's hard being postive after there's been so much negativity roaming through my head. But as Rob from Swingers says, I'm only focusing on the negative and never the positive. Times are starting to look up a bit now. Emailing my tutor helped me today so he can help me find five thousand words to complete this dissertation, and forced me write some stuff down which is partially relevent to the subject!

I feel better writing this now.

"The whirlwind of life."