Breaking habits and lifting morale

I've learnt a lot about myself in the hour.

After talking with one of my univeristy friends, I've gathered there is a lot to do right now but I'm willing to work on it.

Since my trip back home just made me lose all the happiness I had recaptured back in my final days before Easter, I've realised I've gone back to the way I was all those months ago - miserable, unhappy, depressed, sad, mad, broken. I'm sure there are a lot more but I don't wanna think of it anymore.

I've gone from looking after myself, feeling good about everything, to suddenly looking after everybody else, everybody telling me what their problems are. I holed mine up as I listened to theirs. I didn't want anybody to know how I was feeling. Why? Because I thought I could do everything myself. I didn't need anybody else's help. I didn't want people thinking I was weak, so I carried on putting on a smile like everything in my life was going well. Instead of changing myself, I wanted to change the people around me. Like I could mould them any way I could. But it's never that easy, and, quite frankly, it can't be done.

I tried to do that with you (yes you) and I'm sorry if I tried. But you have to realise I have needs too. Any changes you go through, I have to go through as well. Any changes I go through, you have to go through as well. And we both have to accept that we are changing, and we have to mould ourselves around it. I feel as though you're not keeping to your end of the deal - like you said, you gave up trying to help me and now feel you have to protect yourself. I never gave up on you. I always tried to make things go ok. But eventually I found that it wasn't working. I had failed.

I hope while we have our day apart we can think about what we both need and how we can sort this out.

I'm not going to lose you, not now.