Race cars, annoyances and friends
Like my friends, I'm neglecting this blog where it has become a personal diary rather than to actually inform anybody about anything happening in the world, or anything remotely exciting. It has been up and down few weeks, mostly downs, but I have things to look forward too in the next few weeks to bring me back up...Hopefully.
Coming up to the last few weeks of university (well, I finish on Thursday) I have begun to question who my real friends are here at uni and if they deserve my attention. For example my housemates, Chris I've known since September 2005, he's alright but he can piss me off sometimes; Joe and Rocco I've known since September 2003 and I enjoyed their company, but this year they've just pissed me off, and, in some cases, it's been more than I can handle. My breakdown back in February/March was a sign of it, and since then I've gone on and off happiness. My fear is depression is just going to engulf me, render me useless. Fighting it is hard, but it's something I have to do everyday. Yes, there have been times when I've wanted to just let go, but i feel there's something I need to do before I do.
Continuing on with my housemates, they're all living together next year and all I can say is good luck to them. They all seem to get on well enough, but for me it's been like prison and i've hated living here. After my ex-housemate left this year to go pursue his dreams of seeing his girlfriend in another country, I've had no one to confide in and generally just talk to without being afraid of what will be said. Although Rocco said he was there if I ever needed to talk, it's been hard talking to him because he's always hanging out with Joe now. It's like the school playground now - "Sorry I don't think you're cool enough to hang out with us. If you do you'll just be a burden." Sure I'm a little paranoid but when you walk into a room and they both go silent, you do wonder what is going on. Then when you leave the room, they begin to talk and laugh again. All I can say now is I'm glad I'm leaving. Where to, I don't know yet. But I'll be happy to get away from them both, as my life has been partly miserable because of them.
When you're paranoid and beginning to hate them, you pick up on annoyances. For Joe, he pisses me off by making this noise with his throat that sounds like a race driver revving his engine. For Rocco, his inability to find a girl, after his ex split with him last year. For Chris, telling me to break up with Ashley because "she's in another country etc". All I can say is fuck off and I think it's fair to do so.
I don't think I've found a long term friend here at uni. And it's a shame.
My life is drowned out by the sound of laughter.
It's difficult to find who I am now.
And so begins the long journey.
Coming up to the last few weeks of university (well, I finish on Thursday) I have begun to question who my real friends are here at uni and if they deserve my attention. For example my housemates, Chris I've known since September 2005, he's alright but he can piss me off sometimes; Joe and Rocco I've known since September 2003 and I enjoyed their company, but this year they've just pissed me off, and, in some cases, it's been more than I can handle. My breakdown back in February/March was a sign of it, and since then I've gone on and off happiness. My fear is depression is just going to engulf me, render me useless. Fighting it is hard, but it's something I have to do everyday. Yes, there have been times when I've wanted to just let go, but i feel there's something I need to do before I do.
Continuing on with my housemates, they're all living together next year and all I can say is good luck to them. They all seem to get on well enough, but for me it's been like prison and i've hated living here. After my ex-housemate left this year to go pursue his dreams of seeing his girlfriend in another country, I've had no one to confide in and generally just talk to without being afraid of what will be said. Although Rocco said he was there if I ever needed to talk, it's been hard talking to him because he's always hanging out with Joe now. It's like the school playground now - "Sorry I don't think you're cool enough to hang out with us. If you do you'll just be a burden." Sure I'm a little paranoid but when you walk into a room and they both go silent, you do wonder what is going on. Then when you leave the room, they begin to talk and laugh again. All I can say now is I'm glad I'm leaving. Where to, I don't know yet. But I'll be happy to get away from them both, as my life has been partly miserable because of them.
When you're paranoid and beginning to hate them, you pick up on annoyances. For Joe, he pisses me off by making this noise with his throat that sounds like a race driver revving his engine. For Rocco, his inability to find a girl, after his ex split with him last year. For Chris, telling me to break up with Ashley because "she's in another country etc". All I can say is fuck off and I think it's fair to do so.
I don't think I've found a long term friend here at uni. And it's a shame.
My life is drowned out by the sound of laughter.
It's difficult to find who I am now.
And so begins the long journey.
posted by Tez @ Tuesday, May 16, 2006
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