The Struggle

The last week has been rather slow, yet quick in the way that it's really been 'slow' in disguise. Looking back at that sentence, I've realised it makes no sense but I'll leave it. Anyway, this week has seen some changes and some no changes.

Firstly the changes. I've done well to keep looking for a job whilst juggling other things that I do throughout the day. The problem is, no one in my family really believes I'm looking for a job and really I'm just messing around on the Internet. Seems they like to trust me. And by doing so I don't trust them back. Ok, yes I trust my mother and perhaps my sister. But my father and my brother, not so much. It's just something I've grown up with and perhaps something I will not be able to change.
I've been looking at this job at a place called Cheerful Scout, who prepare DVDs for various companies and are now expanding. Thus a job opening. My initial reaction was, "I'll apply for the job, what is there to lose?" and then moments later, "Gah, what if I get the job? I just have a feeling I won't settle down properly and get all paranoid." This was the way I was thinking, but after a brief conversation with a best friend of mine he told me he was also afraid he wouldn't fit in at work. But after time everything was OK because he got consumed the amount of work he had to do, and he made some friends at work.

So now I'm gonna go for the job although it's not what I'm looking for. Although I'm never sure what I am looking for and I'm being too picky with my job hunt. It's something to start with, and plus it says it's great for a recent graduate. I'm still young and I have time.

Ok now onto the not-so-much-changes.
Judging by my last blog post, I did go a little insane. I was kooked up at home, sitting in front of the computer doing job searches and sorting out my CV. But then I got really fed up with myself after my sister said I needed to make some major changes to my CV. You know when you think something you've done seems to be pretty good, and then someone shatters it by saying you need to change some crap - it makes you feel so shitty doesn't it? That's what happened to me. However, she took it one step further and compared me to a good friend of mine. That really fucked me off and I just exploded inside after she left for work.

It is clear no one in my family understands me (and I s'pose it would be quite hard too), which is why I prefer to be left to my own devices. I need my space and my independence. When I get down, I can get it bad - my eyes go all droopy and suddenly I'm all tired and I can no longer fight for anything.

And yes, y'day I did think of the ol' D.I.Y escape business, which is bad of me to do. I need to somehow gain my mood back and get back into the swing of things. Because right now, it's horrible.


I need help.