Family Reunions and The Crazies

Aren't family reunions funny old things? On Sunday it was my uncle's 61st birthday. He left half way through because he couldn't get time off work and had to rush back for it. But while I was there, I realised that my life is pretty boring and how much I've changed over the last few months. Depression has taken it's toll on me - I'm trying to shake it right now and it seems to be working ever so slightly. I have nothing interesting to say to people anymore; it's like I'm failing to be myself because I have no idea who I am.

Friday just gone was my graduation day - happy day for all former students. My parents couldn't make the trip up, so I felt kinda bad being alone. I was the last one on the stage for my course and I had no idea I was!! Someone told me after that a few people cheered for me so it was nice to know people knew me, or had seen my drunken mug face somewhere around bars and clubs.

I don't really have much else to say. My mind is just blown to bits right now.

Hope you're all well.

This is my life

This is an actual entry, rather than an update.

As I sit here crying, I no longer know who I am, or what I've become. These past few weeks have really killed a part of me and I'm having difficulty finding just where to start to fix these problems. Although I'm willing to fight on, the solutions are far from easy to come by.

It just reminds me of being back at uni (if anybody who knows me understands). I no longer feel quite so safe at home and it's hard to understand where I stand in my family.

Ironically, a friend of mine called me today. He reminded me of these people who had committed suicide over the last two years, like he had kept a long list. And now as I sit here crying, I've realised I no longer want to be just another name on a list of those who committed suicide.

That's all I have to say because it practically sums up everything I've experience over the last few weeks.

For now, take it easy. Mellow out. Eat some chocolate.