Neon City Blues

So, here I am in Hong Kong. Thought it'd be a good time (since it'll be coming up to a month since I last wrote in this blog) to update on things, and just let you know how I'm doing.

I've been out in Hong Kong since the 13th of February (back to the UK on the 22nd) and I've had fun so far. Being jet lag is no fun, especially as I'm waking up at silly times (4am, 5am, 7am) and finding that I'm doing nothing til a few hours later.

Since arriving here, I've realised how bad my Chinese has become over the last few years, and it seems now that I'm here, it feels like a refresher course. Infact, the day I got here I've been writing some form of essay about cultural differences (and it was never meant to turn out like that!) It's interesting so far, but right now I'm more concerned about my well being.

I've only just begun to realise how much of an asshole I really am (and yes, it's ok to tell myself that). I'm just a kid. Still am, at the age of 22. It does hurt to know that I am, but now I feel like I dislike myself more because of it. I don't think I like what I'm becoming, but is it too late to change? I don't know why I've become like this - I'm sure there are reasons but I can't think of any - but I do feel like I'm not doing anybody any help by being like this.

I'm slowly falling back into depression (very hard to remain happy around family) and I don't know what I can do about it. I'm just so sick of myself (and I'm sure I had a dream that I hung myself....either that or I was actually thinking it) and it hurts. Try telling that to my parents...Fuck it'd be hard. The last time I did that, I cried and my dad walked in asking me why I was crying and why I had to be like this all the time.

Other than all the shit that's happening here in my life, Hong Kong is good so far. I'm actually at my grandma's place....No she doesn't have the Internet! But I'm stealing someone's bandwidth from within the village. The weather keeps changing throughout the day- humid one moment, then cold (but not UK cold where you gotta wrap up lots). It's really odd to experience this weather here, as I've only really been back when it's baking hot.

Chinese New Year approaches fast, and the celebrations in Hong Kong are just wild. Cities have overdosed on the colour red and it just looks amazing. The way it works is, people in Hong Kong clean their houses and begin decorating their homes with Fat Choi decorations - much like us Westerners do at Christmas. After that, we buy flowers, oranges, chickens, and various other goods to celebrate the new year. People put so much effort into the celebration, and it just feels so real - to see people cram the streets buying various goods. The way of life is so different here, and it doesn't feel artificial - does that make sense?

I'll be posting some photos soon. But for now, I shall say goodbye. Hope you're all keeping well.