Slow uptake

Last night, when everybody except Joe and Carlo went to bed, I went downstairs to talk to them. Unfortunately I never got quite the response I really wanted. Joe would say how he took some anti-depressants, when he was drunk, for fun. So that rules him out. As for Carlo, well, he tried to be supportive, asking me about the anti-depressants and that. But in the end, it was too much for them to handle. They both seem to live in each other's worlds because they each other pretty well now. This leads back to isolation. When I saw them this morning, did they have much to say to me? Not really. Any of them provide some sort of support for me? No. Would I ask one of them to come with me to the doctors? Fuck no.

Perhaps I'm being too harsh. Maybe I was thinking that they would take to it quickly, give me the support I need. Instead I get the silent treatment. So for now, I give up on them. It's just too difficult to think what I need them to do right now.

This morning, I woke up feeling like crap again - it's the flu. Missed yet another shitty lecture, where I just happen to learn nothing. I can't wait to leave uni and leave Sheffield. Don't get me wrong, it's a nice place but it's just not where I want to be. Why? Because I feel I have some bad memories here and it's not as though I've had the best time here. Where do I wanna be right now? I wanna be with Ashley, writing and just having fun. Away from everything here.

I'll leave this one without a resolution to my problems.