Just another day

I still feel like crap - Ashley thought it would be the mumps but my glands aren't swollen in anyway. Do I really have chubby cheeks? I'll have to post the picture another time.

So anyhoo, last night I had another attack of anxiousness about the whole clinical depression thing. I guess I only started crying because people said some great/wonderful things about me and I guess it's showing I'm human, and they look past the depression thing. It's not a flaw. I've come to realise that now. Every year before the Friday just gone, I lived my life day in day out without knowing anything about the depression, and I seemed to have gotten through just fine. But y'day was different; y'day was different in the way that I showed all symptoms of the depression. But today is different.

Ashley raised some questions about the aftermath of the doctors:

1. If I am clinically depressed, then will I take the anti-depressants?
2. If I'm not, then what will I do? Go back to how I was? Or will I make some changes in my life after the scare?

I've still not been yet. The doctors don't have me registered at their clinic so I had to go in today to do that. Other than being drenched by the rain, I was also drenched by my own sweat. Disgusting though it is, I still have the fever.

Today has been different though - I've started to plan my final two essays of university ever. So that's a start on things. As for my dissertation, well I hope my tutor doesn't throw the papers at me with red markings all over them. I guess it needs more directions - I'm saying that now, with only about 6 weeks left til the due in date. Thank fuck I don't have any exams. I wanna make a quick getaway after I finish.

Job wise - we'll see. I've yet to hear back from those two production companies. I hope they went through ok.

This is for Ashley - thank you for being patient with me. I know this is hard for you, to have our roles be switched over. I know I need to give you time as well, and I'm willing to give that without being too hard on you or pressuring you into making me feel better. To be honest, I feel fine right now. Sure I didn't go to the doctors today to get myself checked out, but, come tomorrow, I'll be more confident about myself. I'm ready to go through with things, and should it come to the point where I have to take the next step, I want you with me. I want you with me every step of the way. I think this will be our biggest challenge yet and I'm ready to take it on.

Like you said, I'm Mario.