Former selfs
Over the last few days, my mind has been wondering back to the days back at my old school, then through university until now. My life has changed considerable; sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. But I do wonder when I would revert back to old habits that I have acquired throughout my life. Because the last few days I've been doing that.
My bad moods this week have changed things, only minor things, throughout the family. Things that we had in the past have come back again in a new form (we got new kittens), and yet again it brought back some horrible memories that I would rather forget. There are plenty of things I'd rather forget, but it's had such a profound effect on my life it's not easy to just let things die down.
Then it makes me wonder how some people can just let events, that have had a profound effect on their lives, just pass over them and continue to carry on their lives like nothing has happened. Do they just have a day where they let it all out?
Right now you're probably saying to yourself, this guy seriously needs to let go of things and get on with his life. I wish I could just 'let things go' and go about my life. But I can't. It's as simple as that. You can probably tell someone that bad things happen all the time and to forget it ever happened. But saying that only causes more pain, and it hits a nerve.
There are events I wished had never happened, and just when you think it's gone, a certain twinge brings it all back and you start feeling really shitty and find there is nothing to do, but attempt to live it out. Unfortunately the shittiness over-rides everything and the pain settles in.
I cannot help but think what my life would be like if the things dragging me down didn't happen. I'm terrible at letting go of the past, but the question is....When do I?
My bad moods this week have changed things, only minor things, throughout the family. Things that we had in the past have come back again in a new form (we got new kittens), and yet again it brought back some horrible memories that I would rather forget. There are plenty of things I'd rather forget, but it's had such a profound effect on my life it's not easy to just let things die down.
Then it makes me wonder how some people can just let events, that have had a profound effect on their lives, just pass over them and continue to carry on their lives like nothing has happened. Do they just have a day where they let it all out?
Right now you're probably saying to yourself, this guy seriously needs to let go of things and get on with his life. I wish I could just 'let things go' and go about my life. But I can't. It's as simple as that. You can probably tell someone that bad things happen all the time and to forget it ever happened. But saying that only causes more pain, and it hits a nerve.
There are events I wished had never happened, and just when you think it's gone, a certain twinge brings it all back and you start feeling really shitty and find there is nothing to do, but attempt to live it out. Unfortunately the shittiness over-rides everything and the pain settles in.
I cannot help but think what my life would be like if the things dragging me down didn't happen. I'm terrible at letting go of the past, but the question is....When do I?
posted by Tez @ Thursday, August 24, 2006
3 Comments:
At 10:45 pm,
Jen said…
Just look at it from this perspective..
the bad and not so lovely, that has happened in your life, it helps to ensure a balance of sorts.
Without the sour, life wouldnt be as sweet...so, all of the sweetness and good, it tastes all that much better!
If the events that happened in the past didnt occur, you most probably would be a different person and in different circumstance. Just think, you might have never have met Ashley, someone whom you care deeply about.
Maybe she cant always be your source of happiness, but she is there for you. That's what love is. Its there, no matter what, no matter if you feel so apathetic to the world and cant feel its warmth caress your cheek. It's there.
So, you will let go of things, all in good time. Our memories have the habit of doing that anyway...and all of these troubles, like a rock, will be dulled down to mere pebbles and bits of sand.
And to take this one step further...do you like to walk bare foot on a sandy warm beach?(im not talking about the hassle of it getting everywhere or in the car, or in the crack of your ass)but the feel of it, crinkling and crunching beneath you.....
If so, just think of it as your troubles and issues, in the future, turned to sand, that eventually will give you the pleasure of its warmth and good feeling beneath you.
Life isnt THAT complicated. We just make it so.
At 10:53 am,
Anonymous said…
it's not a case of forgetting and getting over it (no-one should forget what made them who they are) you eventually learn to embrace it and use it to move on.
"I'm terrible at letting go of the past, but the question is....When do I?" maybe you don't, maybe it lets go of you?
At 11:27 am,
Tez said…
ALl I can say now is thanks for the advice and comments you are leaving me.
I know I need to find some help, but there are some things I need to take into account first.
The idea of sand crunching on my feet is wonderful - thanks Jen.
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