Shape up, snap out.

Since I've been back to uni, I've been a bit of a bum - lying in bed doing a bare minimum amount of work and watching Lost and surfing the net. But today just lying in my bed, I began to ponder if I had the fun pushed out of me because of events that may have happened over the last few months. My room has now become a place where I store all my memories (good and bad), and I always lock myself in my room with my possessions and I just feel miserable. I do like having time to myself but I feel as though I've let myself go to waste and now the fun has been kicked out of me. Although there have been times when I've felt guilty about going out, because there are certain things I haven't done during the day/week/month/year.


My brain has always been on two wavelengths lately; again one is the voice inside of me - the one who is always right - and the other is the voice outside - who is wrong sometimes. The happy attitude I left Sheffield with, when going home for Easter, just disappeared without a trace. Things that happened back home have taken a bigger toll on me and I had a lot of things to consider. For example, I found out my father has stopped smoking because the doctor told him too. Should he smoke any more I could lose a father. The ironic part is that a few months ago, I decided to forgive him after hearing that he tried to quit smoking, but the whole fucking thing just went bad so I took away that forgiveness and now I despise him.

Is it wrong of me to do so, even though I have reason to?

I'm tired of having this thinking, and returning to this slump phase. But the next few weeks won't be easy. Then I'm done with my university life. Although my student card expires in 2007. Then a job then moving home and maybe moving out. I don't know what to do.

"I close my eyes, I see an island."